people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
