There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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