dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
