I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
