you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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