Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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