I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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