I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
