There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
