it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just had sex on a roof
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
