my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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