just survived the first fart of the relationship.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
