I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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