It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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