Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
