So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
