Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
