i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
