I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
