I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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