Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize