Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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