Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
