You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Come on in and take your pants off
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