just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ttyl tear gas
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
