He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
