I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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