the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
