since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
