one two three fourrrrnication!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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