well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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