Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
