so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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