My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
