What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize