Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
