Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
