I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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