she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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