My first STD was from a foam party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
try to milk me bitch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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