Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
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