i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
