Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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