Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
