p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
pop tarts are not kleenex
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think I just sharted jello shots
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