It's Friday. Sex?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
