Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
did i just pee glitter
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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