When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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