There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
