The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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