From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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