hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
