can we get nightvision for the apartment?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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