Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
