I'm really into asian looking animals
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
this will be a night to untag.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
