Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
