is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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