i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
