I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
