The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
