I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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