you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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