Its about making memories worth repressing
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
