I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
